She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
