The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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