She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
