The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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