Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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