I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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