and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
