I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
