I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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