If that was your dad, he is hot
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
