There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize