just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
