1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
