It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
