There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
