if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
