He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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