Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Be still, my beating vagina.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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