Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
