I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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