I heard we made out
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
