Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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