My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize