Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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