I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize