I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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