Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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