she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
