P.S. I can't hear my feet
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
