Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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