anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
