You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
