I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
