My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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