I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
