I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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