i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
