and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
