Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
