Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
