literally had 100 drinks last night.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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