that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
