Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
