if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
