Already got asked if we're dating
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
