you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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