I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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