Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
