I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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