You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
