wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
