God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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