I am spending my child support on dildos
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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