my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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