I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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