Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
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