Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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