I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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