I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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