Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
