This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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