There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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