so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
