I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
