How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
