i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I deserve this hangover.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
