Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Randomize
