Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
