She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
