Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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