we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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