i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
my shit smells like andre
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
