her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
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