I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just found puke in my bra..
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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