so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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